Women just don’t understand sports.
I come up with a way to bring in some extra money, and my wife won’t shut up about it. I hear all day, “You’re putting us all in danger,” Or “Why are there so many body bags?” She’s fine with football or MMA, but apparently, some folks “tossing saws” is just too much to handle.
I’m not saying the sport is safer than hockey or boxing. There are inherent risks, as with any other professional sport. The critical thing to remember is that competitive chainsaw juggling is about the memories you make, not about how many people die. But my wife is too high on her own drama to see that.
I will admit that I, too, had my concerns at first. Especially considering how many chainsaws cut through the ceiling and into the living room floor. It was a bummer, but now I honestly don’t even notice it. The kids also seem to get a kick out of it, making it into a cherished childhood game we call “Saw or No Saw.”
Our 15-year-old pug has been less impressed. He lives outside now.
I don’t know. Maybe it’s just a guy thing.
I have such a clear memory of the first time my dad and I tossed a chainsaw around. It was a rite of passage for guys in the 90s and is something I look forward to sharing with my son someday. Sadly, both my father and grandfather died during a doubles charity match for the local orphanage. A freak accident that inspired me to start this illegal chainsaw juggling league in their memory.
She does have a point about the neighbors. They keep complaining about the noise and the fact that I built an exhaust vent from our basement into their bedroom. I’m nervous about that, but they haven’t answered the door the last few days, so it’s probably fine.
She may change her tune once the doubles league gets started. I think her problem may be that she only cares about team sports, so I could totally see her loving doubles. I hope so because I could really use her mom’s house when we expand the league to 32 teams next year. Plus, we’re hosting the Juniors regional final in April, so we’ll need the room.
The thing that’s been driving me the craziest is her whining about “destroying our property value.” Duh, babe. We’ll burn it down and collect the insurance money. Even if we get busted by the cops, we’ll get so many book deals that we’ll be set for life. I’m talking Netflix documentaries, appearances on Jimmy Fallon, and maybe 20 years in a federal penitentiary.
Women just don’t understand investment strategy.
She’ll come around once the sponsorship money starts coming in. I’ve already reached out to the Saudis to get a LIV-style league going. It’s just a matter of time before they start pouring hundreds of millions of dollars into our league. If there is one group of people that can appreciate the sport of chainsaw juggling, it’s the Saudi royal family. They don’t call it Sawdi Arabia for nothing.
It’ll be hard, seeing as how all of this is technically illegal. We’ll have to buy a laundromat or hook up with the mob to wash the money, but that could be a fun experience. I bet I’ll be pretty good at it.
She’s gonna love it.
