The MLB and the players union have tentatively agreed to a new labor deal. This deal will allow baseball activities to resume for all teams and give us a timetable for the now-shortened 2022 season. While most of the agreement details have yet to be made public, there were three significant changes that MLB commissioner Rob Manfred shared with reporters at his press conference Monday morning. The Universal DH and expanded playoffs did not come as much of a surprise, as many experts had predicted both of these would likely happen. The announcement that the MLB would be sending 50 Soviet-era MIG Fighter Jets to Ukraine, however, sent shockwaves across the sports world.
“We were pretty alarmed when we heard it,” White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki told reporters after hearing the news, “The idea of an American corporation buying military aircraft and sending them into an active war is cause for concern. We are reserving further comment until we’ve had a chance to speak with the league and get an explanation. We’ll also need to assess their remaining military capabilities before determining how to proceed.”
“Look, don’t worry about the jets,” an exasperated Rob Manfred told reporters at his press conference to officially announce the deal, “Today was supposed to be about making baseball better. Still, instead, you are focusing on something that is just one small piece of an exciting new labor deal.” Reporters would not be deterred, continuing to pepper Manfred with questions before the FBI would surely arrive. “Fine fine fine. It’s really not hard to understand. After the Soviet Union collapsed, the league saw an opportunity to purchase some fighter jets. This was done as a cost-saving measure for pre-game flyovers. Suffice to say; it didn’t work, as we cannot employ mechanics that can fix MiG jets without raising some red flags. So the league just kept having to buy more and more jets as they continued to break down. When we saw what was happening in Ukraine, we figured it would be a great way to get rid of all these stupid jets. ”
“Look, don’t worry about the jets.”
-Rob Manfred
While Manfred eventually explained the jets to the media, he stopped short of saying he would cooperate with any federal investigations. “If they’re that concerned about these dumb jets, then what will they think about the nuclear submarines parked in McCovey’s Cove. It’s just better if they worry about their weapons of war, and we’ll worry about ours.”
As of press time, Manfred was seen narrowly escaping the FBI in a T-34 Soviet tank.
