If you are anything like me, you hate having to go through buying a new tiger. Pushy tiger salesmen always seem to find a way to get me to spend way more than I need on a tiger. Over time, and through a lot of trial and error, I’ve come up with some easy tips that have helped me get a better product for less money. Whether it is for transportation, protection, companionship, or for fashion, tigers make an excellent addition to any home. So when the time comes for you to buy your next tiger, just remember these 5 easy tips:
5) Always check to make sure the stripes aren’t just painted on
One of the oldest tricks in the Tiger salesperson’s book is to just paint some black stripes on an orange cat. Be sure to rub your hands up and down each stripe to feel for any signs of dried or flaking paint. It’s also probably a good idea to do this while the Tiger is asleep or restrained as they can be real jerks about this part of the process.
4) Bring your pets to meet the tiger before you buy
If there is one thing any tiger owner will tell you, it’s that these majestic predators will definitely attempt to eat any other pets you may have. By bringing your pet from home to the dealership, you are ensuring a moment of violence from the tiger. This moment could be all the leverage you need to knock a couple grand off the price.
3) Ask to see the ones that eat people
This may seem counterintuitive, but the discounts on tiger’s that have tasted man-flesh are too good to pass up. According to the Department of Tiger Commerce, a tiger loses 35% of its sale value once it’s eaten a person. The value continues to decrease the more people they eat, so don’t be afraid to go bargain hunting.
2) Dress the part!
Most tiger salesmen can spot a first-time buyer from a mile away, so you will want to look the part before arriving at the dealership. You’ll want to wear a lot of clothing made from tiger skins, and it never hurts to strap a whip to your belt before you walk in. If you are struggling to find inspiration, just google Joe Exotic and copy that. Even if your knowledge of the tiger industry is lacking, looking the part could give you the negotiating edge that you need.
1) Wild Tiger=Free Tiger
A lot of people don’t know this, but if you come across a wild tiger in your neighborhood, you can legally keep it. Non-native wildlife can be brought home as a pet without any permits. You don’t see tigers in the wild often, but be sure to keep a giant net in your car in case you do, and the moment is right. Capturing the Tiger is never an easy feat, but the tens of thousands of dollars you will save is well worth the risk of one-on-one combat with the beast.
